Game On Boyfriend!

One of the things I'm most grateful for in my life is the fact that my parents never got a divorce. My parents have been a shining example to me of what a relationship should be like: lots of hugs and kisses, compromises, and almost no yelling at each other.

I remember my parents kissing all the time, especially after we ate our Sunday dinner after church. My mother would be washing the dishes and my father would come up behind her and kiss her on the neck. She would smile, turn around, and they would embrace. Most of the time, they would start kissing and my brothers and I would scream in horror! "Get a room!" my little brother Erik would say and we would all run away in disgust. While their heterosexual presentation of love didn't influence me in that department, it influences me in my relationship with Brian. I tell him I love him every day, I kiss and hug him everyday, and I try to compliment him on something once a day (which is easy because he's so awesome).

I talked with my mother yesterday and she told me that she just lost 5 pounds. She was excited and told me that she's doing it mostly for herself, but also for Dad because he likes her to be skinny. She said, "He wants me to be skinny, so I'm trying. Now all he needs to do is to have a little more energy!" As my father has aged, his energy level has dropped and it drives my mother nuts! She's a lot like me and wants to do fun things all the time; my father can sometimes be a bore (but I love him!). My mom told me that they've compromised about it and my dad has been more cheerful and energetic lately. Brian and I have compromised on a lot of things, but our relationship (and any relationship) requires lots of compromises.

The only time that I can honestly remember my parents yelling at each other is when we were on family vacations, and the yelling usually happened in the car. Besides that, they could have yelled at each other but I never knew about it. With Brian, I've watched myself become angry and start yelling at him and then we both start yelling at each other. It's not good and I always feel horribly when we do it. Couples should not yell at each other; only through soft voices can resolutions exist.

You're probably wondering why I'm writing about my parents relationship and how it's affected my life. Well, I learned yesterday that one of our couple friends is getting a divorce. This is a straight couple that, before yesterday, I considered that "perfect" couple. They were cute, nice with each other, and blast to be with. They are both intelligent, kind, and some of the nicest people you will ever meet. Brian and I put them on a pedestal and told each other that was the type of relationship we wanted to have. In fact, "Thatcher" was the safety word we used in public when things weren't going well (if you don't know what a safety word is, it's "muskrat" in the movie Meet the Fockers).

I'm really disappointed that they are getting a divorce, mostly because I thought they were a great couple. I told Brian that all of our couple friends are breaking up (J&J) and that we may be next! While I am only joking, I'm distressed and feel like everyone is breaking up (yes, I'm a drama queen). There are good reasons for splitting up and both couples probably have those reasons, but I don't think I could ever find myself doing that.

I've taught myself (and been taught by my parents) that you stick things out and I apply that ethic to my relationship with Brian. Yes, things have been bad between us, but I'm working on the stuff we talked about (and I hope he is doing the same) and it seems like things have been better. Brian and I aren't married, but I practically feel like it. That's why I could never break up with Brian: I'd feel like a failure.

The example that my parents provided me is the template that I use in my relationship with Brian. While divorces and breakups happen, I don't want them to happen to me. Just like my parents, I want to be able to end up on that porch swing decades later with our wrinkled hands knit together and our hearts still beating for each other.