What List Are You On?

As we walked out of the movie on Saturday, Brian and saw a guy named Levi that we know. Scott thought he was gorgeous and I said, "Yes, he's an A-lister." Brian and I had to explain what we meant.

In the gay community-- like the celebrity community--there are various quality levels. Please note that this only applies to my generation of gays (under-30) and is only a general classification that is usually right.

A-List Gays: The hottest men of the gay community who only hang out with other hot members. These are strictly Abercrombie/Diesel/etc. wearing gays who can get any man they want with only a look. Besides going to the gym, these gays are very social with each other and can always be seen on a Friday or Saturday night. They usually sleep around because it is easy for them to find available hookups. Additionally, many of these gays participate in social drugs like marijuana and ecstasy.

Examples: Brad Pitt, Gweneth Paltrow, Tom Cruise, and Julia Roberts.

B-List Gays: These gays are subdivided into two groups.

• Aspiring B-Listers want to be A-Listers so they imitate them. They also buy the designer clothes, go out on Friday and Saturday nights, have other aspiring B-list friends, and like most gays, sleep around. However, due to a variety of reasons (usually looks or personality), they fail at becoming an A-Lister. There are some who do make it by tapping their unknown potential (ugly ducking to swan stories), but they are very few.
  
• Comfortable B-Listers are the type that are cool with being on the B-list. If fact, these are the type that ignore the list because they think it's stupid. These are the most normal gay guys, as the typical B-Lister is friendly, good-looking but not "pretty", and have friends from all walks of life. Like the other groups, they sleep around but not to the extent of A-Listers.
  

Examples: Kevin Bacon, Michelle Rodriguez, and Jack Black.

D-List Gays: The most diversity of gays are located on the D-List. Rainbow Queens who only have rainbow things, "Gay-is-the-most-important-thing-about-me!" gays who are obsessed with being a fag, heavy drug using gays, large gays who are penalized because you can't be fat in the gay community, gays who wear lots and lots of makeup, gays who only hang out with their trashy and fat fag-hag, and ugly/less-attractive gays. Members of this group feel their pariah status and sometimes try to revolt against it by being even more weird.

Examples: Courtney Love and Anna Nicole Smith.

Legend-List Gays: This group is beyond the letter ranked list. Membership in this group requires partnership status of at least 2 years. These people really don't care about their status because they know it really doesn't matter. They aren't interested in dating and seek friends from all walks of life.

Examples: Humphey Bogart, Lauren Bacall, Jimmy Stewart, and Katherine Hepburn.