the more we take, the less we become

While trying to take a siesta this afternoon, I had an ephipany.

On Russell's blog, he linked a site where you pick qualities about yourself. You send the link to friends and family and they also pick qualities for you. Then you are able to see what qualities they match with you on and what qualities others see in you. There are 2 sites--one for positive qualities and one for negative qualities. I put both links on my blog.

One of the negative qualities Megan put for me was "self-satisfied." I actually had no idea what this meant. While I was in the computer lab, I asked Sara what she thought it meant and she said selfish. Then we started talking about other things.

When I tried to take my siesta, the thought of being selfish came into my mind and I realized Megan was right. Everything I do here in Mexico is for myself: I'm learning Spanish for myself, working out everyday for myself, taking naps for myself, going out with friends for myself, worrying about wearing the same clothes over and over for myself, and thinking about how much I miss MY boyfriend. Everything I'm doing in Mexico revolves around one person: me.

As I laid in bed, I thoght of something Sara said: she's going to volunteer at an orphanage every week. Then it hit me--this is what I'm supposed to do! After that thought, my ipod played "World on Fire" by Sarah McLachlan. It's my all time favorite song because it reminds me that the world is truly on fire. One lyric that really hit me was, "the more we take, the less we become." It's so true!

Then I starting thinking about what a great example Ryan Oliver Hansen is to me. He's in Camaroon right now starting his own orphanage. He's one of the most incredible people I've ever met in my life. While I won't ever do what he's doing, I can do my part.

I need to volunteer at the orphanage. I feel like its exactly what I'm supposed to be doing right now in my life. I think everything from Russell writing on his blog to Megan responding to sitting next to Sara in the computer lab are signs from God telling me this is correct.

Realizing this revelation from God, I started to pray. I thanked God for the opportunity He's trying to give me and thanked Him for showing me the way to accomplish it. I asked Him to help me be strong in achieving His will for me because I'm so weak, a coward. It would be easier to not volunteer, but I want to truly overcome that temptation.

I've always wanted to work in an orphanage. This feels like the perfect moment, the perfect circumstances, the perfect opportunity.