Hi, I'm Jesse and I'm a Homosexual??
I don't know how to characterize my feelings on this.
My roommate for Mexico called me tonight. We talked a bit and asked if I was excited. I told him that its going to be weird being gone for 10 weeks and that I would miss all the TV shows I wanted to watch.
What I really wanted to say is that I'll miss Brian.
If you remember, my roommate and I don't know each other. He randomly asked me to be his roommate. He doesn't know I'm gay and I don't know how he feels about that. What if he really doesn't want a gay roommate? What if he really doesn't care and will laugh when I tell him this story (I think this prediction will be true).
Since he doesn't know I'm gay, how do I tell him? I really don't want to say, "Just so you know, I'm gay. I hope that's not a problem." It seems so self-defeatist.
I want to just mention Brian as my boyfriend, but that might seem too nonchalant. He might realize it and internalize his homophobia by not wanted to become friends or avoiding me.
I feel like an idiot because I don't usually worry about this stuff. Being gay isn't a large part of me so I don't go around telling people I'm gay--it just usually comes up in the conversation. This instance is different because we're going to be living together. He'll be the first roommate that I will be openly gay with and I'm uneasy of his reaction.
Aren't people open-minded enough to not care? He's from California so I assume he knows gay people (yes, I'm assuming California has lots and lots of gays).
Here's my dream scenario:
We're on the plane and I mention Brian as my boyfriend. He says, "What? You're gay? I never would have guessed."My roommate seems like a really laid back guy. I hope I'm getting worked up over something that I'll laugh about later.
I'd ask, "Is that a problem?"
He laughs. "Not at all. Just don't look at me when I'm changing... I'm kidding!!!" He laughs some more. "Seriously, I don't care. I have a sibling/cousin/uncle who is gay. He'll laugh when I tell him my roommate is gay."
posted by Jesse @ Wednesday, January 11, 2006
7 comments
7 Comments:
When you first mentioned the straight roommate for Mexico, I didn't say anything. I thought, "Ha! This blog is going to be really fun to read in a couple of months." Now you've spoiled everything by deciding to tell the guy in advance that you're gay. Thanks a lot.
"What I really wanted to say is that I'll miss Brian."
That would have been the perfect thing to say. If you will have another conversation with him soon, slip that in and see how he reacts.
"He doesn't know I'm gay and I don't know how he feels about that. What if he really doesn't want a gay roommate?"
If he doesn't, then that's OK. It doesn't necessarily mean he's homophobic or that he dislikes you. It could simply mean that he'd be more comfortable with a heterosexual roommate. That's natural enough. I mean, as a gay man, I'd prefer to have a gay guy as a roommate instead of a straight guy, and instead of a woman of either sexual orientation. I still like straight guys and women plenty.
"I want to just mention Brian as my boyfriend, but that might seem too nonchalant."
Well, I guess there are different ways of looking at that. Personally, I refer to my mate in none other than nonchalant ways, so as to drive home the notion that there is nothing out of the ordinary about two men being together. I was in a meeting at work and said, "My partner...." Someone asked, "Does she...?" I gently interrupted and said, "He." The other guy responded, "Oh, sorry." So the people in the meeting got a subtle message that it's inappropriate to assume a person is heterosexual.
"He might realize it and internalize his homophobia by not wanted to become friends or avoiding me."
Yeah, and that would be a drag. But that would be his problem and his loss.
"Aren't people open-minded enough to not care?"
A lot of them are. But there's the personal comfort thing. Would you, for example, be comfortable having a female roommate and being naked in front of her?
"He's from California so I assume he knows gay people (yes, I'm assuming California has lots and lots of gays)."
Where in California? I lived in Fresno for a while. I kept thinking, Where are all the gay people in this place?! They were there, of course, but in a very low-profile way. So a lot of the straight population wasn't very exposed to openly gay people.
"My roommate seems like a really laid back guy. I hope I'm getting worked up over something that I'll laugh about later."
That could very well be the case. It helps, I think, that he's a Mormon. I have yet to encounter a Mormon who is hateful or lacking in compassion (what is it with you people?).
Finally, here's another way you could approach him, for what it's worth:
"There's something I wanted to talk to you about. When we talked before, I didn't think to mention that I'm gay. It's something that I assume isn't a big deal for people. But then it occurred to me that some guys might feel uncomfortable having a gay roommate. So I'm mentioning it now in case you think that's something that would be awkward for you."
Good luck!
Dave
I rarely say that I'm gay, but it never takes long for me to mention my partner and his name. You seem a chatty kinda guy so I imagine the same will happen on the plane.
Maybe you should act more gay. That would certainly be easier for ALL of us.
Seriously though, I think you are worrying too much about this. It'll come up in casual conversation LIKE IT ALWAYS DOES.
Are you also going to mention to him that you are half-Hispanic? You don't look Hispanic and that doesn't define who you are so will that be a big deal?
Being gay isn't who you are.
maybe he's gay and thinking the same thing about you. maybe you'll end up cheating on brian.
Okay, so if being gay isn't a big part of your life, why do you have a blog entry titled, "Hi, I'm Jesse and I'm a Homosexual??"
The title uses a question mark at the end of it signifying its relation to the blog posting. If it were a period, your comment would make sense.
Let me add further enlightment to the title of the post. When Jesse and I first met, I introduced him once as, "This is Jesse. He's gay." It was a running joke from then on for the two of us to introduce ourselves as, "Hi, I'm Jesse and I'm gay." Or, "Hi, I'm Megan and I'm a single mom."
His sexual orientation does not define who he is. My marital status does not define who I am. I am more known as a Democrat than being a single mom.
What Jesse is alluding to is,how do you bring up something about yourself that is not a big deal to you? Being gay is just a part of him; it's not who he is.
Oh, and more advice, Jesse. Just be yourself. I've said this many times before and hopefully, one day, it'll sink in: When you are yourself, you are a much better person than when you are trying to be something you are not.
And if you cheat on Brian, I will come down there and kick the holy living crap out of you! ;) xo
Post a Comment
<< Home